Single Life

By: Shannon Kelly

“So, are you dating anyone yet?”

This question becomes inevitable, especially when you reach your adult years and are still single while many of your childhood friends are getting engaged and married. Much of society seems to have an expectation that when you grow up, you get married. The notion is that if you stay single, you cannot have a happy, fulfilling life. Being single is too often seen as a failure – a perception that is entirely false. Whether you are single and waiting for “the one”, or if you are choosing to remain unmarried, there is nothing to be ashamed of. Dating and marriage are absolutely beautiful, and if that is your desire, you should absolutely go for it. But what must also be understood is that being single is not a bad thing. Some adults weighed in on why it’s OK to be single. Here are their top reasons.

Singleness is reality. Being single, whether by choice or by chance, is not an awful, strange or unfulfilling way to live. Pastor Dwight Nelson, Lead Pastor of Pioneer Memorial Church, explained that God created humans to be relational beings, but “the post-Eden reality is that not all marry.” “While God has an ideal, He lives with the real,” Pastor Nelson said. “And the real is, we don’t all get married. The real is, we don’t all want to get married. The real is, we don’t have to get married. The real is that, professionally and personally, a person can live a very fruitful life and never marry.”

Marriage may not fit everyone’s lifestyle.

30-year-old freelance photographer/filmmaker, Tanya Musgrave, is a single woman with a lively career that keeps her traveling around the country constantly. As a result, she is never in one place for long. “Where I am in my life right now, I would never be home,” she said. “I’m kind of flitting from one place to another… I don’t even know if somebody would want to be in a relationship with somebody who is barely there.” She is completely open to being in a relationship should someone come along who could keep up with her. The thought of marriage someday appeals to her. However, she recognizes that she is not ready to settle down yet, and until she is, she is fulfilled by the work that she loves and the friendships she makes.

Singleness can be a unique gift from God.

Some people actually choose not to marry and are content that way. Pastor Nelson referred to the Apostle Paul – himself a single man - as an example. In 1 Corinthians 7:7, Paul says, “I wish that all of you were as I am [unmarried]. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.” Not only does Paul actually advocate the single lifestyle, but in the last half of the verse, he implies that singleness can be a spiritual gift. “Paul’s little insertion there… indicates that singleness can be a gift from God, fruitfully exercised for the building up of God’s kingdom,” Pastor Nelson said.

You have time to focus on becoming who you want to be while you’re single.

“I don’t feel like I’m the person I want to give to someone,” 23-year-old student, Bohdana Gayle, said. Gayle explained that if she wants to be in a relationship, she needs to give it “110 [percent],” but before she can do that, she feels that there are certain parts of her life that she needs to work on. “If I want to receive the best, I feel like I need to be able to give the best…And I’m just not there.” She would rather wait until she feels personally prepared for a relationship than dive into one and hurt her significant other in the end. This does not mean you have to have yourself all figured out, but learning more about who you are and what you want in life is a good way to prepare for any future.

Are you ready to be selfless?

When you are married or in a relationship with someone, you consult your partner about almost every decision you make. Decisions about where to go to school, where to work, where to live, what to do in your spare time… you are no longer just looking out for yourself alone. Relationships involve compromise, and if compromise cannot happen, a healthy relationship cannot flourish.

You are able to focus on developing your relationship with Christ above all.

Human relationships may come and go, but a relationship with Jesus is eternal. He craves a personal relationship with you more than anything. Take time to get to know Jesus, the lover of your soul. Let Him help you clean out your proverbial “junk drawer” that is the human heart. Ask Him to reveal any hidden sins and areas of your life that you need to work on, then work on those with Him. Build on the foundation of Jesus Christ. Christians couples will say that a firm foundation in Jesus is key to having a lasting marriage, but this foundation is not crucial in marriage only. “This is not just a foundation if you get married,” Pastor Nelson said. “This is a foundation if you’re living.”